In a viral Reddit post shared in the Am I The A**hole forum, which can be seen here, user Throwra31133434 explained she had previously been a sex worker but said her 33-year-old partner was aware and “doesn’t judge me for it at all.”
But she added his friends would tend to “throw in some backhand remarks” about her past and that they viewed it as “good sport.”
Zoe Burke, leading wedding expert and editor at Hitched.co.uk told Newsweek that “sex work is work” and that the friend’s attitude to her “is rooted in misogyny and toxic masculinity.”
“The bride has every right to be concerned about the antagonist being not only invited to the wedding, but also playing an active role in the big day, as who knows what he might say on the day to upset her, or her friends and family with his ‘jokes’,” Burke added.
The Reddit user revealed the issue came to a head at a dinner where her fiancé’s friend was in attendance.
“Last night, my fiancé took me to dinner with his family and his best friend was there,” she said in the post. “We had dinner and started talking about the wedding which will take place next month.
“My fiancé said something about the budget being tight and his friend said ’not so sure about this whole wedding thing since you might find yourself paying for sex later on despite having the legal rights to it’.”
“I was blown away. Truly blown away [with] what he said. I really wanted to let it go but since my in-laws laughed then I blew up at him and called him an idiot,” the poster said.
“He was like ‘relax it was a joke, didn’t you get it? Well, it’s your problem then.’ My fiancé tried to get me to calm down after I stood up but I got more pissed and told his friend publicly that he was uninvited from the wedding then took my stuff and went home.”
Burke agreed the bride-to-be had every right to be angry and also questioned her fiancé’s response.
“It actually seems like this husband-to-be doesn’t really have his bride’s best interests at heart and he’s more interested in keeping his friends happy, which is pretty sad to hear,” Burke said. “If anyone should be on your team throughout your wedding planning and on your wedding day, it’s your partner.
“It really sounds like this couple needs to have an honest chat with each other about the issues this friend is causing and how his behavior is affecting the bride. The groom also needs to have a word with his friend, and nip this awful behavior in the bud.
“He needs to stand up for his partner and explain how his friend’s words are hurting her feelings and that as her partner he will now allow this disrespect anymore. Only then should the best man be allowed to attend the wedding.”
Since being shared on Saturday, October 22, the post has managed to attract more than 9,700 upvotes and some 662 comments.
Many of those who commented on the post praised the bride-to-be while some also questioned whether she should go through with the wedding.
One Reddit user, whose comment was upvoted more than 18,900 times, said: “NTA (not the a**hole) and you need to seriously consider whether you want to marry someone who thinks your feelings are less important than his friend’s obnoxious ‘jokes’ and also that he considers such a person his best friend.
“Then when you tell him you’re upset, he accuses you of being controlling because you’re upset. This is not healthy behavior and it does not bode well for a marriage.”
Another posted: “For real? What is wrong with people? I’d rather die alone after 60 years without speaking to another human than have to be in OP’s (original poster) relationship for one week. Why do women pick these absolute losers?”
A third commented: “Those aren’t ‘jokes,’ OP, they’re passive-aggressive jabs at you and your fiancé is find with his friend demeaning you and that is not OK. Is he truly OK with your past? Because someone who is would never tolerate someone taking barbs at you.”
Newsweek has reached out to Throwra31133434 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
